More Stupid Stuff from the Internet…

Baby Pole Dancing.  Really?  And look at those fishnet stockings.  I say it’s another Motherhood of the Year Award right out the window.

baby pole dancing

And all this time I thought you were supposed to unplug the mixer and take the beaters out of it before giving it to the kids.

cake beatters

This product is sold on Amazon and is described as a Korean acupressure device. You roll it around on your hand and it cures your arthritis…or something like that.

acupuncture device

Wait.  This is an acupuncture device? For your hands?  Oh no…I’ve been using it totally wrong.

 

Really?  Double the fun…?  I just don’t have words…

fundies

 

Well OK… It does roast a hot dog…

roast weenie

Not quite sure what’s wrong with that woman’s neck or that man’s face.  And if you can get past the picture…well there’s the title.

If It'sTuesday

FYI.  This book is available as one of a two book set at both Amazon and Barnes and Noble.

 

This is what happens when men are left unsupervised.

unsupervised men

 

You only had one job to do.  At least you know that north is always…well north…at the top.

N-E-S-W

 

Of course not everything on the Internet is Stupid…

 

I don’t drink milk often, but when I do, I like to lick it off a random hot guy.

got milk

 

My my…would you look at those gas pumps.  They’re antiques.  They must be worth a lot.

gas pumps

OK everyone.  Time to like this post, leave a comment (you know you have something to say), and friend me on Facebook.

The Orca King – book review

I was struggling over the weekend for a subject for my blog today.  Then low and behold I found this great book review on Smart Bitches Trashy Books.  I just couldn’t keep it to myself so I decided to re-blog it.  It’s a little long but hilariously funny and well worth the read.

Review: The Orca King by Darragha Foster

Jul 14, 2014 02:00 am

by Elyse

Grade: C-
Title: The Orca King
Author: Foster
Publication Info: Liquid Silver Books 2005
ISBN: B00408AXVO
Genre: Paranormal

wale

I was browsing through my library’s online catalog of audio book downloads when I stumbled across The Orca King by Darragha Foster. I am not a huge fan of a paranormal romance, but when fate puts an erotic orca-shifter novella in front of me, I am not about to pass that up.

It turned out to be the craziest of crazy sauce books I’ve read in a long goddamn time.

The Orca King is a 72 page book about a Native American orca-shifter named Tamanass “Big Tom” Tyee aka Chief, who is waiting for one true love to be reincarnated. While he’s doing that waiting he’s spending his time split between living as a man and as a rogue orca (one who doesn’t belong to a pod) and inseminating females (both orca and human). His seed keeps the pod/tribe strong, you see. Also his penis allows you to time travel (more on that later).

Now first of all, there is no orca-on-human lovin’ in this book, so you can put that fear right out of your mind. There is a dream sequence where the hero and heroine sixty-nine in the ocean, which is goddamn impressive if you ask me. I can’t even have sex in the shower without feeling like I’m drowning.

The book opens with Marian, the heroine, about to embark on a whale-watching tour.  She won a vacation to a small island and the whale watching is part of the package. Marian is reflecting on her feeling of ennui and that her life, particularly her love life, just isn’t working out. She’s also horny.

On the whale watching tour, the group is fortunate to see a large rogue orca male called Ghost Father. Ghost Father is believed to be about 100 years old. He doesn’t belong to any pod but periodically shows up to mate with female orcas. Everyone is in awe of Ghost Father, especially Marian who feels drawn to him, exhilarated.

Marian could feel the beastie’s the presence […], smell his salty aroma. She could taste the salt spray on her lips. He looked at her as if he could see right through her.

Then the whale does the unexpected. He offers the boat a dead salmon, which is believed to be a courting gift. Marian has the idea that they have to accept the salmon, so they take a net and pull the dead fish from the water. Then Ghost Father rolls over and shows everyone his whale erection.

Yes, I actually just typed “Ghost Father rolls over and shows everyone his whale erection” in a review. You’re welcome.

Carrie S, who is now the Smart Bitches Science Officer, went on a Google expedition and discovered that whale penises are prehensile. Now I am disappointed that Ghost Father didn’t offer Marian the salmon with his penis, which would have been a more impressive gesture, quite frankly.

Anyway, Marian gives the salmon back, Ghost Father has sex with a female orca in front of the boat like he’s showing off, and then everyone goes on their merry way.

Marian is still overwhelmed by the experience and still horny.

She whispered, her arms still outstretched, “Ghost Father, you are magnificent.”

Now, back in March I also went on a whale-watching tour where I got to see some whales up close. I can say that I was feeling several things at the time:

1. awe at seeing such an amazing animal up close
2. nausea from being in a Zodiac in the ocean, bobbing around and
3. terror that the breaching whale was going to swamp the boat. I don’t believe arousal entered into it at any point.

To be fair, the whale we saw breaching was a calf, so maybe if it was a studly, older, George Clooney whale I would have been turned on, but I doubt it.

Anyway, Marian is still thinking about Ghost Father when she’s driving to dinner that night. Her car breaks down in the woods (where even the trees look like penises) and she is helped by a handsome Native American stranger who goes by “Chief.” While they wait for her swamped engine to cool (is that a thing engines do? I legitimately don’t know) they get to talking and Chief is all mysterious and full of Yoda-like vague advice about her path in life.

Then they go for a walk in the woods and overcome with desire they knock boots on a magical rock. It’s the best sex that Marian has ever had:

He exploded within her, filling her with an ocean of love and hope.

AN OCEAN OF LOVE AND HOPE.

That’s gonna be drippy.

When Marian wakes up, she’s in her car smashed into the front of a tree. She thinks she dreamed the whole smexing of the hot dude on the magic rock. She goes to the doctor because…car accident duh, but when she gets there she finds she has bruises on her back from the hot rock smexing. Also her lady business feels tingly.

The doctor is worried that someone raped Marian while she was unconscious after the accident and wants to do a rape kit, but Marian knows the truth. She really did meet Chief and they really did have a spiritual/genital connection.

“Whatever he did to me, whatever he left inside me, I want to keep.”

IT WAS AN OCEAN OF LOVE AND HOPE, MARIAN. WE JUST WENT OVER THAT.

Then Marian learns about this legend of an orca-shifter and how he got a local woman pregnant 100 years ago and how she jumped off the hot smexing rock with her baby when he abandoned her, and she’s all upset. Then there’s a scene with a Native American fortune teller called Granny (“Granny” and “Chief,” great), and Granny tells Marian she (Marian, not Granny) is pregnant and the re-incarnated spirit of Chief’s long dead love, and yeah, Chief is sometimes a whale, be cool with it.

When Marian meets Chief again he tells her he’s been waiting for her to be reborn again so they can be in love, and he didn’t abandon her 100 years ago and he can take her into the past and show her—with his penis.

Yes, the magical time travel device in this book is not a blue police call box, but his wiener. And it has to be inside of her to work.

Look, if some dude came up to me and was like, we can travel through time, but only by having intercourse, I would get the bear mace…unless… Yeah, if it was the 10th (11th?) Doctor as played by David Tennant, I’d probably go for it. Probably. Totally.

So then we also get the story of Chief and Marian’s past lives, and then Marian has to decide if she can love the whale-shifter she apparently loved 100 years ago and have his baby.

So this book is a whole lot of shifter-reincarnation-time-travel-penis crazy sauce thrown into 72 pages.

Now, I gave this book a C – because it’s completely batshit insane, but it’s not a bad book. It creates a mythology and sticks to it. I thought it was waaay too much shifter-past-life-time-travel to shove into a short book though. It was almost overwhelming how quickly things moved and how fast Marian (and the reader) had to process. I thought there was enough substance there for a book twice this length.

I also didn’t think we got a good feel for Chief. He shows up as a mysterious handsome stranger in both Marian’s life and in the flashback scenes where she is Mary Katherine. She’s inexplicably drawn to him in both lives, but aside from being hot and mysterious, I didn’t get any sense of why these two people would fall in love aside other than some supernatural connection. There was a lack of depth on Chief’s part that left this story less fulfilling that it could have been.

I personally couldn’t deal with all the waxing poetic about the whale-salt-smell and penis majesty, but I’m not into shifters or cetaceans, so I didn’t expect to be. I did appreciate and revel in the absolute batshit crazysauce that was slathered all over this baby, though.

Now, I was bummed to see that there’s a sequel to this book The Orca King II where Chief falls for a dude named Devon because aren’t Chief and Marian soul mates? I just read about salty orca penises because you told me they were soul mates! In fairness I haven’t read The Orca King II so maybe it’s explained.

But I will not read The Orca King II because the summary on Amazon includes a warning about “Orca whale and sea serpent sex play.” No thanks. I draw the line at a time-travel-penis.

This book is available from Goodreads | Amazon | BN | Kobo | All Romance eBooks

You can check out Smart Bitches on these sites:  www.smartbitchestrashybooks.com

www.facebook.com/TrashyBooks    www.twitter.com/SmartBitches

 

Funny as this review was, I’m just not into shapeshifting, so I probably won’t be reading that book.  Can’t imagine anyone wanting a shapeshifter when there are real guys like this floating around out there.

MysticCowboy

This is a book I bought mostly because of the picture on the cover.  It also got great reviews.  I’m about 1/3 of the way through reading it – I will let you know.  But, I can’t seem to find out who this model is.  I think it looks a lot like Umid Yeldashev, or possibly Leon Garcia.  It’s supposed to be a stock photo, and has been used on several book covers.  Does anyone out there know who this model is?  Anybody?  Let me know….

Now it’s time to like this post, leave a comment and friend me on Facebook.

Cyber Surfing

OK…just a few interesting pictures I found while cyber-surfing.

 

She actually found five girls that said yes to the dress.

yes to the dress

 

And…the limousine was not available that day…?

limosine

 

Yeah…that’s what I thought too…

choking hazzard

I found him….can I keep him…?

can I keep him

 

men with abs

OK – TAKE YOUR PICK

Angel Macho – those are abs…damn those are abs…

Angel Macho

 

Stuart Reardon

Stuart Reardon

 

Frederico Calvano

Frederico Calvano

 

Gary Taylor

Gary Taylor - 2

Time to like this page, leave a comment and friend me on Facebook.

 

American Heros

Being as it’s almost the Fourth of July, let’s be patriotic and honor our men in uniform.  I can’t help it if these particular men also happen to be very hunkalicious and absolutely drool worthy.

keep calm uniform

Colin Wayne – model, Army veteran

Colin Wayne fourth-2

Colin Wayne

colin Wayne fourth

Andrew Mclaren – model, actor, Marine veteran

andrew Mclaren

Garrett Bracken – model, athlete, Navy corpsman veteran

Garrett Bracken flag

Brad Ivanchan – model, Marine veteran

Brad Ivanchan fourth

Alex Minsky – model, Marine veteran

Alex Minsky fourth

Kyle Clarke – model, actor, athlete, Army veteran

Kyle Clarke

Kyle Clarke

Kyle Clarke cowboy

Chris Van Etten – model, Marine veteran

Chris Van Etten fourth

J R Martinez – actor, author, motivational speaker, Army veteran

JR Martinez

Noah Galloway – model, extreme athlete, Army veteran

Noah Galloway

Evan Morgan – musician, Marine veteran

Evan -1

Evan Morgan

Evan -2

Every one of the men pictured here are veterans, some of them wounded in action.  They have all persevered and overcome.

Thanks for your Service.  Thanks for your Sacrifice.

 

 

Bad Decisions

Why would you want to advertise this?

bad decisions

Yeah…this was a really bad investment opportunity.

DVD rewinder

“Oh my.  It looked way different in the showroom than it does hanging over my dining table.”

chandalier

Feeling a little awkward when my mother calls.

phone

Here’s another bad decision.  This is a six pack…

six pack - 1

 

However, words have different meanings.  This is also a six pack.  Boy Howdy…

cowboy sixpack

And this is a six pack.  I’ll take one of each please…

one of each

Clearly a good decision.

shower

OK.  Time to like the post, follow my blog, and friend me on Facebook.

Food Porn

Food porn is described by Wikipedia thusly:

Food porn is a glamorized spectacular visual presentation of cooking or eating in advertisements, infomercials, cooking shows or other visual media of foods boasting a high fat and calorie content or exotic dishes that arouse a desire to eat or the glorification of food as a substitute for sex.  Food porn often takes the form of food photography and styling that presents food provocatively.

The term has been around for a while.  It appears in the 1984 book Female Desire (page 103) by the feminist critic Rosalind Coward.

Food porn is also defined as… “the glamorization of the visual presentation of food.  The word ‘porn’ is only meant to represent the feeling of desire for the food in the image.  The trend first started with the viral photos and videos of dramatic, over indulgent food demonstrations.” www.theblogstudio.com/2013/08/a-new-kind-of-foodporn/

I once watched an HBO show about sensual foods.  One woman said that she could have an orgasm just eating chocolate covered cherries.  My first thought “I’m not eating those right…”

My kind of food porn….

cupcake

My kind of food porn breakfast…

breakfast

Here’s a couple of sites for you to check out if this is your kind of food  porn.

www.facebook.com/EpicFoodPorn

https://twitter.com/FoodPorn

 

Uh…not food porn.  Maybe food art.  Maybe just someone with too much time on their hands.

Arranged Vegetables Creating a Face

 

Then there are these cakes…

Celebration cake specialists

female torso

And they come with or without clothing.  And they come in individual body parts as well.  No not ears, noses, fingers, or toes.  Very graphic intimate body parts.  I’m not going to put one of those here,   you can look that up yourself by Googling things like ‘cakes that look like torsos’ or ‘erotic cakes’.  If you don’t want to bake it yourself, there is even a business that will supply such cakes for you https://www.exoticcakes.com/

 

OK…this is getting closer to my idea of real food porn…

food porn - 1

 

And then there’s this…always did love carrots.

carrots

 

Is that banana organic?

banana

So…time to make comment, like my page, and friend me on Facebook.

 

The Eyes Have It

The Eyes Have It

eyes-window quote

There is an old English proverb that states, ‘the eyes are the window to the soul.’ This saying stems from a passage in the Bible, Matthew 6:22-23. A form of this quote has been traced back to Cicero who lived from the year 106 B.C. until 43 B.C. Many different poets have used this proverb including William Shakespeare. It is basically stating that by looking deeply into a person’s eyes, you can tell who they truly are on the inside.

Matthew 6:22. The eye is the lamp of the body; so then if your eye is clear, your whole body will be full of light.

So, here are a few eyes for you to look into…

Eyes-3

Don’t know who this guy is, but he has wonderful eyes.

 

Mark Haldor

Mark Haldor

 

Tom Abihdana

Tom Abihdana. Beautiful eyes and long hair. Who could ask for anything more?

 

Gabriel Reif-1

Gabriel Reif

 

Kenney McAllisster -eyes

Kenny McAllister.  Love the color of those eyes.

 

Joseph Mikas

Joseph Mikas

 

Native American - 1

Don’t know his name either. But incredible eyes.

 

John EatonJohn Eaton

OK…you knew the nearly naked picture was coming, right?

 

naked

Forget the eyes…just look at the naked guy.

Need I say more?

Yes I can say more. How about this? Like my blog. Leave a comment. Friend me on Facebook. Have a great week.

More Stupid Stuff

 Here’s another one of those Motherhood of the Year Awards right out the window..

baby and squirrel

 

Does this happen often enough that they have to make a sign for it?

aligator sign

 

Just another fun family outing…

motherhood of the year award

I’ll just finish this real quick while they are in the pool…

drinking squirrel

 

Really? Was this the only place you could think of to take a sexy picture?

sexy bathroom fail

 

Forget our socks did we?

crocs tan

 

This is just too cute.

Lucy - dog

 

I think it would be a better shot if you moved just a little to your right.

cheeta

 

boys with no clothes

Isn’t that on every mom’s laptop?

Yep…I think it is…

damn

 

Stuart Reardon – oh look, he comes with directions.

comes with directions

Just waiting for a little gust of wind…

leaves

 

OK.  It’s that time. Like the page. Leave a comment. Friend me on Facebook.

More American Heros

More American Heroes

Rico, Josh, Paul

 

 

 

 

 

Paul Schaus       Josh Sweeney       Rico Roman

Recognize these guys? No? Really? OK, I didn’t either…until Saturday. That’s when I read a newspaper article about Josh Sweeney. It was so interesting I Googled him (since when is a made up word like Googled actually a verb?). Anyway, it seems that he is a member of the U.S. Paralympic Sled Hockey team. AND…wait for it…OK…ready?…he made the winning, in fact the only, goal for Team Semper Fi to win a gold medal at the Sochi Olympics.

Everyone on the Paralympic Sled Hockey team is either an amputee or has a medical condition rendering one or both legs immobile. Hence the name Paralympic. These three guys, however, are also ‘Wounded Warriors’. Paul, Josh, and Rico are all military veterans wounded in action overseas.

 

Josh Sweeney

Josh -2

 

 

 

 

 

 

Josh Sweeney, 27, from Glendale (Phoenix) Arizona, joined the Marines in 2005 right out of high school. In October 2009, while serving in Nowzad, Afghanistan he stepped on an IED (improvised explosive device) losing both his legs. Josh spent months in rehab at Brooke Army Medical Center in San Antonio, Texas. He had been a hockey player in high school and after being discharged he tried a few adaptive sports, but he had never heard of sled hockey. Then he went to a sled hockey game with his family and inspiration struck.

Josh - 4

 

 

 

 

 

 

He began playing and in 2011 he made the USA Hockey national team. In 2012 they won the International Paralympic Committee Ice Sledge Hockey World Championships A in Hamar, Norway. Then the team took silver in the 2013 world championships. In December 2013, he was nominated to the 2014 U.S. Paralympic Sled Hockey Team by USA Hockey,

Josh - 1

 

 

 

 

 

 

Rico Roman

rico - 4

 

 

 

 

Rico Roman, 33, is from Portland Oregon. He graduated high school in 2000 and joined the Army. In 2007, he lost his left leg to an IED during his third tour in Iraq. He was introduced to sled hockey by Operation Comfort, an organization dedicated to assisting injured U.S. service personnel while at the Brooke Army Medical Center in San Antonio, Texas.

Rico - 1

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

From 2009-11, Rico was a member of the San Antonio Rampage Sled Hockey club, which is made up entirely of military veterans. He also played with the Dallas Stars sled team in 2012, helping the team to the 2012 USA Hockey Sled Classic Division A Championship.

Rico - 3

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Rico also participates in handcycling, wheelchair basketball and wheelchair football. Within a year of his amputation, Roman completed two bike marathons and rode 150 miles in a day to raise money for multiple sclerosis research. He currently lives in Wincrest, Texas with wife and two children.

 

Paul Schaus

Paul - 1

 

 

 

 

 

Twenty five year old Marine Paul Schaus from Buffalo, NY, lost both his legs to a landmine in Helmand Province, Afghanistan on June 5, 2009 while on his second deployment. He was first airlifted to Landstuhl, Germany. He was eventually transferred state-side and spent a month at Bethesda Naval Medical Center before finally being moved to Walter Reed National Military Medical Center in Bethesda, Md. Paul began playing Sled Hockey on the USA Warrior Hockey Team while still in rehab. He played two seasons (2010-2011) with the USA Warriors. Paul also played with the Buffalo Sabres Sled Hockey Team, and helped them win two straight USA Hockey Sled Classic Championship titles in 2011 and 2012. After a year on the U.S. National Development Sled Hockey Team from 2011-12, Paul made the U.S. National Sled Hockey Team for the 2012-13 season.

Paul - 2

 

 

 

 

 

Paul has just started his second season on the U.S. National Sled Hockey Team

 

All three of these Warriors have received the Purple Heart for their service.

Rico, Josh, Paul - 2

 

 

 

 

Paul Schaus     Rico Roman    Josh Sweeney

 

More Wounded Warriors

J. R. Martinez – Actor, Motivational speaker, Army veteran, burned over 34% of his body while serving in Iraq.

J R Martinez

 

 

 

 

 

Chris Van Etten – Model, Marine veteran, wounded in Afghanistan

Chris

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Alex Minsky – Model, Marine veteran, wounded in Afghanistan

Alex

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Brad Ivanchan – Model, Marine veteran, wounded in Afghanistan

Brad

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Colin Wayne – Model, Army veteran, wounded in Afghanistan

C olin -2

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thanks for your service. Thanks for your sacrifice.

 

Now, leave a comment.  Surely you have one.  Like this post.  Follow my blog.  Friend me on Facebook: www.facebook.com/katie.morningstar.71

 

Michael Stokes

MichaelMichael Stokes

 

I follow a number of Facebook pages, but my very favorite one is Michael Stokes Photography. I use a lot of his pictures in my posts.

 

.

 

Michael Stokes is a Los Angeles based Photographer, originally from Berkley, California.  Michael moved to LA in 1983 where he studied and swam on the Santa Monica College Swim team.  Michael graduated from Cal State Long Beach with a BA in Fine Arts with an emphasis on film and photography. However, he left his artistic talents behind and began a career in real estate. In 2005 he left his very successful real estate career to focus on his interest in photography.  Since his re-introduction to the art of photography Michael has been published in many magazines, clothing campaigns and a number of photographic anthologies.  Despite the amount of time spent on photography Michael manages to compete as a United States Masters Swimmer. He swims 3,500 – 7,000 meters a day, 6 days a week. In 2008. Michael was ranked in the top 10 in the nation for the 1500 meter race.

Michael manages to capture the best of the male form in his work. He obviously likes sports…

running

 

 

Running…

 

 

 

 

football

 

 

 

 

Football…

 

 

 

boxing

 

 

 

Boxing…

 

 

rugby

 

 

 

 

Soccer…

 

 

 

motorcycle riding

 

 

 

Motorcycle riding…

 

 

 

 

baseball

 

 

 

Baseball…

 

 

swimming

 

 

 

 

 

Swimming…

 

This is Michael’s book: Masculinity, featuring some of the hottest guys seen for a long time. It is available on Amazon, http://www.amazon.com/Masculinity-Michael-Stokes/dp/386787428X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1347800523&sr=8-1&keywords=michael+stokes

Michael is on tumblr, twitter, Facebook, Model Mayhem, and has a website.

www.michaelstokes.tumblr.com

https://twitter.com/Stokes

http://www.modelmayhem.com/michaelStokes

https://www.facebook.com/MichaelStokesPhotography

www.MichaelStokesPhoto.com

And he doesn’t just do pictures of naked guys. No, no. He does suit porn too.

suit porn

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He has licensed some of his pictures for book covers.

book covers

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

cover

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Alex cover

 

 

 

 

Book cover with photo of Alex Minsky.

 

 

 

And he’s a patriotic kind of guy…

patriotic

Jase Dean

 

 

 

If you love stunning photographs and gorgeous men, check out Michael Stokes.   And then leave a comment.  You must have something to say.