Stupid Romance Novel Covers

Stupid Romance Novel Covers – Probably the reason mainstream literature doesn’t take Romance seriously.

stupid cover-bicepts

 

 

 

 

OMG – my biceps won’t fit in the truck…

 

 

 

 

 

Because nothing says I’m a cowboy like a long wavy mullet and a tank top… stupid cover-cowboy

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

She’s just one little tug from a major wardrobe malfunction. waredrobe malfunction

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

That’s what I’d be doin’…having an orgasm while the ship goes down. woredrobe malfunction - 2

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

OK.  She has long, wavy, flowing hair.  He has long, wavy, flowing hair.  She’s wearing a skirt.  He’s wearing a skirt.  She has breasts.  He has man boobs.  Something wrong with this picture… kilt

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Really?  I just don’t have words for this.  Amish.  Vampires.  In Space.  WTF. Amish

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Probably the most famous Oops in Romance novel covers.  The lady with three hands. 3 hands

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I was so hoping that this one was a joke.  But no.  Really.  Google it on Amazon.  You can download it onto your Kindle for $2.99. mushroom

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And just because I think he should be on lots of Romance covers.  My favorite – Tanji. Tanji

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Things That are Just too Stupid to Talk About

Sometimes while searching through cyber space for hunky guys or romance related tidbits, I come across Things That are Just too Stupid to Talk About.  I’m taking a break today to show you some of the Just too Stupid things I have found recently.  I don’t want to know if you really think any of these things are a good idea.  Enjoy. 

It seemed like a better idea in the conceptual stage. elephant slide 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Then she said, “It’s OK.  I have the Jaws of Life on speed dial.” stupid playground 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 Really?  You couldn’t carry your ammo yourself? Lucy Dog

 

 

 

 

 

 

So I thought, I’ll fool everybody.  They won’t know if I’m coming or going. face tattoo

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So then I said to myself, if I just had a way to hold it still so I could use both hands to start it…chainsaw 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There goes that motherhood of the year award – right out the window.motherhood 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 I don’t know.  I said to my friends I should just have stupid tattooed on my forehead.  Then I passed out. stupid 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Because friends don’t let friends do stupid stuff alone. stupid-golf

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 I just couldn’t let that roadkill go to waste. slippers

 

 

 

 

 

 

Because it didn’t come with a sidecar. grocery store

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And just to drool over…one of my favorite guys…Tanji.tanji-bad boy

Top Ten Most Beauatiful Men – Part 2

Top Ten Most Beautiful Men – Part 2

So if Denzel and Moses are no longer Number One on my list, I need to start looking for a replacement.  I try Googling ‘Native American Male Models’ again, and also ‘Long Haired Men’ and a few other variations.  There are a whole bunch of new guys pictured there.  Are the elves at the North Pole custom making these guys one at a time, and Santa is distributing them around the world a few here and there?  Can I order one?

Tanji 

           Clicking on a picture takes me to all kinds of new web sites.  At least, new to me.  Tumblr. Pinterest.  (I now have accounts on both those sites, but damned if I know what to do with them.)  And I find this guy.  OK.  Excuse me a minute while my ovaries explode.  There. Breathing again.

             But I can’t find out who he is.  So every day while I’m on the computer, I spend some time looking for this guy.  I’m now looking for a model for the cover of my romance novel and this guy looks like he might possibly be Native American.  I tell myself I am doing research.  I spend hours on the Internet.  I think about him constantly.  I dream about him.  It took me a week to find out his first name is Tanji.  Love it.  Now I’m getting somewhere.  Another few days and I discover his full name is Tanji Islam.

tanji-3

             Tanji is of East Indian descent, lives in NYC, is a model and actor, and has probably the most spectacular male hair I’ve ever seen.  Google ‘Tanji Male Model’ and the first two web sites are his profile on Model Mayhem and his Facebook page.  Look at his pictures.  He has a variety of looks and his recent pictures don’t look a lot like his earlier pictures.  Nose straightened. Cheekbones more prominent.  Skin darker.  Hair – still incredible.  Think he’s had work done?  Drool over his pics, don’t forget to breath, and let me know what you think.

 tanji-2

And Tanji…get on your Facebook page once in a while.  You haven’t posted anything since Mother’s Day.  You have fans.

          Yes, Tanji is definitely in the running for Number One Most Beautiful Man.  But then  there is this guy.

 

Don’t you just want to put your mouth on that tattoo and then see where it’s pointing?  This guy showed up about 2008.  There are maybe a couple of dozen pictures of him, most from the same photo shoot…and then he disappears.

St. Umid-1

            He shows up under two very different and unique names:  St. Umid and Humpemsquaw.  Now I can get behind St. Umid, sort of exotic, and memorable.  But Humpemsquaw – get real.  What I find even harder to believe is that some people, OK mostly women, out there in the cyber universe really believe that is his name.  There is some lively discussion about him on a couple of sites, the main one being www.vishstudio.deviantart.com   Most of the photos of him out there in the cyber universe were taken by Andrei Vishnyakov of said deviantart web site.  There are also a few pictures by Russian photographer Alex Krivtsov.

            Then on Sept. 28, 2010, someone set up a profile for him under the name Humpemsquaw on Model Mayhem.  They were on the site until Nov. 1, 2010 – 35 days.  No one has been back to update the site since.  On this site, it claims that he is Native American.  His profile on Model Mayhem says he doesn’t do nude shoots.  Buuuuutttt…Google St. Umid and the first web site that comes up has a picture of him, up front, up close, and personal holding onto his rather ginormous erection.  Umm, maybe it’s the camera angle.  No really.  Google St. Umid and see for yourself. ( www.stumid.tumblr.com/ )

St. Umid  

            And now here comes the lively discussion part about him on various sites.  Is he Russian, is he Native American, is he for real, is that tattoo for real, can I lick it…?  And then he disappears.  No more pics, no info, no nothing.  He has no Facebook page, no Twitter, no Web site, no Instagram, no nothing.   Did the spaceship just land, beam him up, and the gods took him back to the planet where they custom make beautiful men with glorious hair?  But the discussions continue.

If you know who this guy is, or what has happened to him, let me know, I’ll post it.